Car Owners With Estrogen

My name is Marie and I am a driver that is a woman.

     You know those women in the movies who are employeed by the CIA or some secret service organization--the women that wear dangerously tight jet black jumpsuits, dive out of airplanes, and drive sleek cars through thick traffic, explosions, and over bridges with the ultimate fineese possible (all while firing at the bad guys with a hand gun)? Well, I am not one of those women.

     I want to be a highschool English teacher and an author. I wear plain jeans, not even jeggings. Heights terrify me. Infact, on my bucket list it says 'before I die I would like to never engage in sky diving'. After I die whatever. Throw my remains from an aircraft. But while I dwell among the living you will never see this girl falling through the clouds. But most of all, as far as driving goes, I do not profess to have any special talent. Just because I can't drive through explosions and take down nazis or drug lords or whoever with a weapon of righteousness though, doesn't mean I am not a good driver, doesn't mean that I am the stereotypical WOMAN DRIVER, thank you very much.

I am proud to announce that THIS woman driver is not me. I've run over small rodants, possibly stupid birds, and I nicked my friend Taylor with a large suburban once, but never have I flattened an old man. 

 I've heard of parallel parking... but perpendicular parking? Seriously? I'm one of those girls that says, "Hey, if I'm mostly in the lines then I'm fine. There is plenty of room for other people (maybe), and I'm here to shop not be obsessive compulsive!" 

This one just makes me laugh. I mean her car is blue! Yuck. Should have gone with a nice red or black, stupid lady.



     I do not own my own car, but I confess that I have driven my parents cars in construction lanes, accidently cut people off, hydroplaned, shifted from drive to park while going 40 mph, backed into other cars, and other related offenses. But that doesn't mean I fit the stereotype! That means I am a homo sapien, a human being.

     Alright. So I've made it clear that I am not an adventure driving dutchess of awesomeness, buuuutttt I do make up for it with my mechanic talent. That's right. Mechanic talent! Woman driver? Ha! I think not.

 This wholesome young lady is not me. She knows cars. I know cars. But she has kissed Shia Labeouf, whereas I haven't-- hate her!

    To prove what I say is true here is a list of my automotive know-how. You may want to sit down folks. This reseme almost defies nature. Women like me... WELL. Lets just say it's not everyday that you witness such marvels.

Marie's Car Skills

•  I can read the speedometer (mph only).
•  I can accelerate and break. 
• I know how to work the blinkers (right and left). 
• Am exceptable at using stereo.
• I'll have you know tires say how pressurized they should be on them (units: psi), and it's important to check so you don't waste gas or have a blow out.
•  Warning: Do not leave your car lights on overnight because it makes the car battery sad.
• I can tell you where to find the fuel gauge.
• Seat belts should be buckled.
• Airbags are not as pillowy and cozy as they look.
• The more cylinders a car has the more boost the car has, or something.
• Pistons help make the car go.
• Headrests are adjustable.
• Windsheild wipers can wipe at different speeds (if you're listening to music you can even have them wipe to the beat of your tunes)
• Can identify cars by color type and on occasion the brand.
• Hybred cars use less gas and are purchased by lesbians mostly.
• Child lock sucks.
• Double door cars are better or else you have to shove your friends in the back like they are trash in a compactor.
• Lug nuts aren't good for your teeth.
• There are things inside cars called engines, radiators, and distribuator caps.

                                            End of Priceless Car Info List

Btw: If you need the non kissing verified you can ask Shia himself. Sometimes the truth is shocking, I know.

Readers, I would like to give a shout out to Christmas and my parents, who inspired this post. The last thing I expected to get for Christmas this year was a car, bbuuuut my parents told me, December 25, 2010, that they were going to buy me one!!!

I have decided what car I want. I want a black car.

I'm Marie and I AM a woman driver, and I'm excited to see you all on the road! Happy driving ;) hehehe...

Zeno's Paradoxes

Zeno of Elea was a defender of Plato's Parmenides, and is known for the creation of his paradoxes. Philosophers of the time riduculed the Parmenides, saying that it suffered from many contradictions. Zeno,  in return, provided nine paradoxes concerning time and motion, many of which were easily disproven. By doing this he was justifying the contradictions within Plato's work, showing that such paradoxes were no discredit. My favorite of his paradoxes is his paradox of dichotomy.

This paradox mathematically contradicts the possibility of travel. Zeno said to get from point A to point B one must first travel half the distance between point A and point B. Then one must travel half of that, and then half of that. As you multiply each distance by another half you recieve a new distance, and no matter how many times you continue splitting the distances you will never reach zero. Therefore, it should be impossible to reach point B at all.

In high school, upon first hearing about this paradox, I found myself amused (the first time I had ever been amused in a math class). I thought how interesting it was that someone could mathematically disprove the possibility of something that in fact happens daily (I suppose I also just liked that math had failed). However, over the years I have researched Zeno and his paradoxes, and have found myself pulling my own little life lessons from such paradoxes and the tale of Zeno.

1. Contradictions In Life:

I for one can't stand girls that feed off of drama. It's awful! Can't females be sensible for more than five minutes rather than stir things up? The conflict, confusion! The emotion and absurdities! Good gracious.

However, I myself am guilty of finding myself in dramatic situations, and have only myself to blame. Isn't being hypocritical very much like (or exactly like) contradicting oneself? Whether I am ignorant or perhaps just despise the flaws I have the most since I can never give myself a break (which one could it be??). I am still being hypocritical.

I often times find myself contradicting myself in conversation. I tell someone that I am a very relaxed person. But minutes later I tell someone else that I am a very passionate person. Neither of these converations was a lie, however, I do seem to contradict myself. People are rarely one thing or another. Everyone is a blend of opposites and compliments. Every living being is infact a wad of internal paradoxes.

There are friends of mine that I consider to understand me extremely well. Yet, I of course undersand myself better than they do. Everyone understands themselves better than anyone else, naturally. But at the end of the day, when I crawl into bed and reflect upon the events of the day and my actions, I admit to myself that I don't understand me hardly at all.

Contradictions are simply a part of life's web. I agree with Zeno's that contradictions shouldn't be considered errors as much as they are. Contradictions in all actuality can make much sense. Besides, without them many things could hardly be considered interesting. Imagine trying to date someone who is content with everything. At first it may be very well liked, but after a while wouldn't you want them to be irriatated with something? If they were content with everything than they could hardly have an opinion on anything (annoying). If they were contented with your victories as much as your failures you'd feel slighted with each victory, would you not? So lets stop pointing fingers at one anothers' contradictions, and instead embrace the magnificence of paradoxes.

2. Reaching Point B

Of course Zeno's Dichotomy Paradox was contrived in an almost sacrastic tone. He knew that is was easily possible to get from the living room to the kitchen. Zeno, I think, was a very clever man. To make a point, he gave evidence to disprove perspectives of time and motion, knowing that others would disprove his theories with ease. But by doing so his contemperaries would actually be disproving their own theories regarding the Parmenides. However, I'm not sure if he understood a lesson behind his dichotomy paradox.

I spend a great deal of my time pondering. I think about everything, from orange peels to the designs of spirit. So sometimes I may go overboard, and you let me know if I do, but I was thinking about the "impossibility" of reaching point B. Point B is a planned location, and although you can get absurdly close to reaching that destination, you never fully will. It seems that in life we are always making game plans and trying to get to whatever it is that we think will make us happy. However, I honestly cannot think of any plan of mine ever going exactly how I pictured. Perhaps it would be to our benefit if we spent more time being grateful for where we already are. If we do our best while at point A we're bound to end up somewhere we love. It's called taking things one day at a time. And being awesome.

Did Zeno understand these lessons? Don't know, don't care.

Because I know someone who does.

Universe Groove

Ever seen or heard something like this?

Guy: "Hey."
Girl: "Oh hey. How are you?"
Guy: "Good! Doin good..."
Girl: "That's good."
Guy: "Yep."
(Awkward pause)

And then what happens? They both start to say something at the exact same time, and things become even more uncomfortable. Relatable? Cha! It happens all the time! And does no one care or question the science behind this!?! Well folks, I do.

Invisible forces hug and snuggle our little world.  Gravity would be the most familiar friend. Puuulllll! However, there are also many breeds of light invisible to human eye balls. Shhhiinngg! So many hidden energies whirl around us like a violent ballet. Whoosh! Whaa! Lalalala! Hear ye, hear ye! I suggest that it is now time for an unrecognized force to finally take it's rightful place on the stage. His name? Universe Groove.

 There is a pulse  The vastness of space has a beat that we can neither see nor feel, yet surely has influence. Thats how people start talking, singing, dancing, whatever, at the exact same time without collaboration. We all have a heart beat. Perhaps the universe has one of it's own. Aww. And it's pulse sings to us all. Awwww!

Scientific proof you ask for? I'll give you proof. Awkward interuptions.

Boom baby! I didn't even have to use chemistry beakers or litmus paper to support that one. Kachow.

I'm Marie and my philosophy is that this crazy universe is one groovy dude.

Seasons, Colors, and Captives

Seasons are great, aren't they? We all seem to think so. They give us a little variety in this mundane world. Honestly, don't we all get to the point where sporting another scarf will just push us over the edge? But then comes spring, and you can convert to a thin turtle neck or lightweight jacket. Phew. T-h-a-n-k y-o-u season shift. In the summer we swim. In the Winter we ski. In the fall we do homework. Oh we would simply go mad from boredom without our bosom friends spring, summer, fall and winter, would we not? However, a word of caution my fellow internet users. DO NOT GIVE INTO THE CUNNING OF SEASONS! Hear my cry brethren! Few of us suspect the magnitude of their powers. They do more than just get us away from keeping the same prosaic rigamaroll. Truth be told, they are really the scrivengers of our future, singing the sirens potent tunes... Heed my words fellow homo sapiens. For your beloved seasons are masters, dusguised as monotony control, while really we are their slaves! Let me unmask these creatures for what they really are...

Season 1: Ah, Spring! The world is alive again, and so are those hormones. The hues of flowers set us in the mood for romance. Oh delight... No. Okay, for real, is it just me or does everyone get engaged right at the end of spring? No. It's not just me. I have a facebook events list of wedding invitations to prove it. Spring fever is a very real virus. people, and it's aftermath is unmasked by the toll of wedding bells. Spring will shove you over the altar and those poor chimes will ring till they nearly fall from their bell towers, just previous to summer's introduction. Devious!

Season 2: Summer--Schools out! Summer arrives and we relax. We feel very little responsibility and reason to commit to anything serious. Oh wait? Hmm. Could summer's influencial attitude be the reason most relationships cannot survive this hot and hellish season? Maybe so. Maybe definately. Summer is a destroyer of love! (Name that movie!)

Season 3: Fall--In the great words of Winnie the Pooh, "Happy Autums Day Owl." Fall comes, and, yes Pooh Bear, it can be very happy. Citizens get new school clothes, new friends, and even new personalities. The trees shed their old leaves and we too molt some of our old habits away. We can see we've matured, and golly gee wiz doesn't that feel nice? But wait! What happens to those cast off flaws? Like the leaves we have to rake up those darn things and look them in the face, jump in them, and roll around. We see what we were and realize we should continue to improve even more. Homework piles up. We roll in that too. Pressure builds. Mid terms and finals cackle at our poor souls. All around us we see yellow, orange and red--the colors of hell's furnace! Fall is a time we fall into ssstttreeeesssss. Oy!

Season 4: Winter--What do we see in the winter? Green and red decorations, everywhere. The color red stands for passion. And what does green mean? Fertility. Let us not forget also that it's cold outside, encouraging couples to engage in snuggling, among other things. Happy holidays to be sure! Winter is the season of conceiving... Err. I mean like we should all be able to conceive and comprehend what life is all about. Set those new years goals and spend time with family. Oh winter, you season you. People think you're all about death with your frostiness, but I know you better than that. You are all about LIFE! In every sense of the word. Except the cereal. A warm breakfast is better when you are with us. Hey wait! You even control what we eat! Tricky, tricky...

I'm Marie, and my philosophy is that there is a season for everything. Not all of us succomb to the controling energy of Earth's cycle, but many of us do. And hey, for those of us that do, thats A OKAY. Marriage, weeding out the unlikelies in dating, improving and working, and enjoying the holidays are very wonderful things. Also, as the seasons change so do we. Each season influences us differently. So if you really want to get to know someone you should get a glimpse of them in each season. Weather holds us captive, but as for me I'm held captivated by new experiances and the lovely look of all the seasons :P

Ugly Girls

To all the females disgruntled with their appearence:

Are you fat, big nosed, beedy eyed, doused in acne, a garden for moles, host of a butt chin, too short, too tall or just flat out ugly? Here's what I have to say to you poor unfortunate souls. "Darn you, you lucky wenches! You've got it made. Get out there and use your power instead of sulking around about the gap between your front teeth. The world is your oyster for goodness sakes!"

1: Ugly girls are normally assumed to be smart.

Okay, honestly how could pretty girls have the time to develop their brains? They spend all of their time flirting and doing their hair, right? Not true, but does that matter? No. Because people think it's sort of, pretty much, the truth. Aka: It's a believed in enough generalization. So right off the bat you are at an advantage to dazzle people with your intellect. If you are not intelligent do not fake that you are. That will blow up in your face and make you look like an idiot, same as anyone else. Intelligence isn't everything, but it wouldn't hurt for you to study up on topics that interest you and become a little more well rounded (Haha pun! Don't take that the wrong way.) Learn and become passionate about something. Some fellows prefer girls that know nothing, and that will be a sparkling ornament to hang on their arm-- a trophy that giggles at everything and says nothing. You are safe from those jerks! Because you probably do know plenty, and you aren't a pretty little doll to drag around. You might be too heavy to drag anyways. All the better for you.

2: You appreciate more things more easily.

The world we live in appreciates beautiful art, delicate melodies, darling puppy dogs. So do you. But it's more effortless for you to also appreciate the unfamiliar, the less popluar, the less stunning, because you know, with more clarity, that it too has great potential.

Story Time: You happen upon an unlovely looking mutt with no collar. The resemblence between the dog's face and your booty is remarkable. And then you remember that your enormous hiny is what cushioned your fall off of the neighbors roof (you were trying to steal their cabel satellite), and saved your life. You take the dog home. You wash him up. He still looks grotesque. But he eats up all the food you drop on the floor, and he becomes a devoted companion and member of the family.

Moral of the story: You appreciate a different method of recieving bargains on your cable.

3: People are attracted to you for you, not your looks.

If a guy is head over heels for you, you don't worry, "Well maybe he just likes me for my face. Maybe he just wants to brag to his friends that he's dating a babe." You really don't agonize over that, do you? No. You know he's genuinely fascinated by YOU.

4: People don't expect you to be as confident and fun.

Errr... excuse me?

Listen.You can use that to your advantage. Blow people away with your personality. Surprise them. By golly, show them and their stereotypes up! Be outgoing and just have fun. Don't care about what you look like. Accept everything about yourself and let your confidence just ooze. Attractive maidens are supposed to be the fun, flirty ones. So if they're not they actually disappoint people. If they are fun they don't surprise anyone. They just filled an expected requirment. Besides, unattractive and goofy looking people have a much easier time becoming hilarious and entertaining. Especially the pudgey ones. It's the chubby jolly factor, and it moves one up in the social ranks, believe it or not. So, you have the advantage, homely ladies.

5: You have less temptaion to be selfish and arrogant.

After getting so many compliments the gorgeous girls can get cocky. Of course not all of them do. Many of them can remain humble and sweet. But how many girls have you seen join the wrong crowd of popular good looking kids and get into trouble? How many girls have we all seen think they are a goddess and should get everything they desire? Yuck, far too many. Ugly girls, be grateful you are less likely to become one of those monsters.

6: You have a secret that pretty girls are oblivious to.

Shh. Don't let any pretty lass understand that once a guy gets to know you and finds out that YOU are the funnest, sweetest creature alive, that you then become a beauty in his eyes. The gorgeous females don't even know you're a threat. Ha!

I'm Marie, and my philosophy is that everything has its up's and down's. But an unattractive physical appearence can definately be one psychedelic blessing!