Car Owners With Estrogen

My name is Marie and I am a driver that is a woman.

     You know those women in the movies who are employeed by the CIA or some secret service organization--the women that wear dangerously tight jet black jumpsuits, dive out of airplanes, and drive sleek cars through thick traffic, explosions, and over bridges with the ultimate fineese possible (all while firing at the bad guys with a hand gun)? Well, I am not one of those women.

     I want to be a highschool English teacher and an author. I wear plain jeans, not even jeggings. Heights terrify me. Infact, on my bucket list it says 'before I die I would like to never engage in sky diving'. After I die whatever. Throw my remains from an aircraft. But while I dwell among the living you will never see this girl falling through the clouds. But most of all, as far as driving goes, I do not profess to have any special talent. Just because I can't drive through explosions and take down nazis or drug lords or whoever with a weapon of righteousness though, doesn't mean I am not a good driver, doesn't mean that I am the stereotypical WOMAN DRIVER, thank you very much.

I am proud to announce that THIS woman driver is not me. I've run over small rodants, possibly stupid birds, and I nicked my friend Taylor with a large suburban once, but never have I flattened an old man. 

 I've heard of parallel parking... but perpendicular parking? Seriously? I'm one of those girls that says, "Hey, if I'm mostly in the lines then I'm fine. There is plenty of room for other people (maybe), and I'm here to shop not be obsessive compulsive!" 

This one just makes me laugh. I mean her car is blue! Yuck. Should have gone with a nice red or black, stupid lady.



     I do not own my own car, but I confess that I have driven my parents cars in construction lanes, accidently cut people off, hydroplaned, shifted from drive to park while going 40 mph, backed into other cars, and other related offenses. But that doesn't mean I fit the stereotype! That means I am a homo sapien, a human being.

     Alright. So I've made it clear that I am not an adventure driving dutchess of awesomeness, buuuutttt I do make up for it with my mechanic talent. That's right. Mechanic talent! Woman driver? Ha! I think not.

 This wholesome young lady is not me. She knows cars. I know cars. But she has kissed Shia Labeouf, whereas I haven't-- hate her!

    To prove what I say is true here is a list of my automotive know-how. You may want to sit down folks. This reseme almost defies nature. Women like me... WELL. Lets just say it's not everyday that you witness such marvels.

Marie's Car Skills

•  I can read the speedometer (mph only).
•  I can accelerate and break. 
• I know how to work the blinkers (right and left). 
• Am exceptable at using stereo.
• I'll have you know tires say how pressurized they should be on them (units: psi), and it's important to check so you don't waste gas or have a blow out.
•  Warning: Do not leave your car lights on overnight because it makes the car battery sad.
• I can tell you where to find the fuel gauge.
• Seat belts should be buckled.
• Airbags are not as pillowy and cozy as they look.
• The more cylinders a car has the more boost the car has, or something.
• Pistons help make the car go.
• Headrests are adjustable.
• Windsheild wipers can wipe at different speeds (if you're listening to music you can even have them wipe to the beat of your tunes)
• Can identify cars by color type and on occasion the brand.
• Hybred cars use less gas and are purchased by lesbians mostly.
• Child lock sucks.
• Double door cars are better or else you have to shove your friends in the back like they are trash in a compactor.
• Lug nuts aren't good for your teeth.
• There are things inside cars called engines, radiators, and distribuator caps.

                                            End of Priceless Car Info List

Btw: If you need the non kissing verified you can ask Shia himself. Sometimes the truth is shocking, I know.

Readers, I would like to give a shout out to Christmas and my parents, who inspired this post. The last thing I expected to get for Christmas this year was a car, bbuuuut my parents told me, December 25, 2010, that they were going to buy me one!!!

I have decided what car I want. I want a black car.

I'm Marie and I AM a woman driver, and I'm excited to see you all on the road! Happy driving ;) hehehe...

Zeno's Paradoxes

Zeno of Elea was a defender of Plato's Parmenides, and is known for the creation of his paradoxes. Philosophers of the time riduculed the Parmenides, saying that it suffered from many contradictions. Zeno,  in return, provided nine paradoxes concerning time and motion, many of which were easily disproven. By doing this he was justifying the contradictions within Plato's work, showing that such paradoxes were no discredit. My favorite of his paradoxes is his paradox of dichotomy.

This paradox mathematically contradicts the possibility of travel. Zeno said to get from point A to point B one must first travel half the distance between point A and point B. Then one must travel half of that, and then half of that. As you multiply each distance by another half you recieve a new distance, and no matter how many times you continue splitting the distances you will never reach zero. Therefore, it should be impossible to reach point B at all.

In high school, upon first hearing about this paradox, I found myself amused (the first time I had ever been amused in a math class). I thought how interesting it was that someone could mathematically disprove the possibility of something that in fact happens daily (I suppose I also just liked that math had failed). However, over the years I have researched Zeno and his paradoxes, and have found myself pulling my own little life lessons from such paradoxes and the tale of Zeno.

1. Contradictions In Life:

I for one can't stand girls that feed off of drama. It's awful! Can't females be sensible for more than five minutes rather than stir things up? The conflict, confusion! The emotion and absurdities! Good gracious.

However, I myself am guilty of finding myself in dramatic situations, and have only myself to blame. Isn't being hypocritical very much like (or exactly like) contradicting oneself? Whether I am ignorant or perhaps just despise the flaws I have the most since I can never give myself a break (which one could it be??). I am still being hypocritical.

I often times find myself contradicting myself in conversation. I tell someone that I am a very relaxed person. But minutes later I tell someone else that I am a very passionate person. Neither of these converations was a lie, however, I do seem to contradict myself. People are rarely one thing or another. Everyone is a blend of opposites and compliments. Every living being is infact a wad of internal paradoxes.

There are friends of mine that I consider to understand me extremely well. Yet, I of course undersand myself better than they do. Everyone understands themselves better than anyone else, naturally. But at the end of the day, when I crawl into bed and reflect upon the events of the day and my actions, I admit to myself that I don't understand me hardly at all.

Contradictions are simply a part of life's web. I agree with Zeno's that contradictions shouldn't be considered errors as much as they are. Contradictions in all actuality can make much sense. Besides, without them many things could hardly be considered interesting. Imagine trying to date someone who is content with everything. At first it may be very well liked, but after a while wouldn't you want them to be irriatated with something? If they were content with everything than they could hardly have an opinion on anything (annoying). If they were contented with your victories as much as your failures you'd feel slighted with each victory, would you not? So lets stop pointing fingers at one anothers' contradictions, and instead embrace the magnificence of paradoxes.

2. Reaching Point B

Of course Zeno's Dichotomy Paradox was contrived in an almost sacrastic tone. He knew that is was easily possible to get from the living room to the kitchen. Zeno, I think, was a very clever man. To make a point, he gave evidence to disprove perspectives of time and motion, knowing that others would disprove his theories with ease. But by doing so his contemperaries would actually be disproving their own theories regarding the Parmenides. However, I'm not sure if he understood a lesson behind his dichotomy paradox.

I spend a great deal of my time pondering. I think about everything, from orange peels to the designs of spirit. So sometimes I may go overboard, and you let me know if I do, but I was thinking about the "impossibility" of reaching point B. Point B is a planned location, and although you can get absurdly close to reaching that destination, you never fully will. It seems that in life we are always making game plans and trying to get to whatever it is that we think will make us happy. However, I honestly cannot think of any plan of mine ever going exactly how I pictured. Perhaps it would be to our benefit if we spent more time being grateful for where we already are. If we do our best while at point A we're bound to end up somewhere we love. It's called taking things one day at a time. And being awesome.

Did Zeno understand these lessons? Don't know, don't care.

Because I know someone who does.