Car Owners With Estrogen

My name is Marie and I am a driver that is a woman.

     You know those women in the movies who are employeed by the CIA or some secret service organization--the women that wear dangerously tight jet black jumpsuits, dive out of airplanes, and drive sleek cars through thick traffic, explosions, and over bridges with the ultimate fineese possible (all while firing at the bad guys with a hand gun)? Well, I am not one of those women.

     I want to be a highschool English teacher and an author. I wear plain jeans, not even jeggings. Heights terrify me. Infact, on my bucket list it says 'before I die I would like to never engage in sky diving'. After I die whatever. Throw my remains from an aircraft. But while I dwell among the living you will never see this girl falling through the clouds. But most of all, as far as driving goes, I do not profess to have any special talent. Just because I can't drive through explosions and take down nazis or drug lords or whoever with a weapon of righteousness though, doesn't mean I am not a good driver, doesn't mean that I am the stereotypical WOMAN DRIVER, thank you very much.

I am proud to announce that THIS woman driver is not me. I've run over small rodants, possibly stupid birds, and I nicked my friend Taylor with a large suburban once, but never have I flattened an old man. 

 I've heard of parallel parking... but perpendicular parking? Seriously? I'm one of those girls that says, "Hey, if I'm mostly in the lines then I'm fine. There is plenty of room for other people (maybe), and I'm here to shop not be obsessive compulsive!" 

This one just makes me laugh. I mean her car is blue! Yuck. Should have gone with a nice red or black, stupid lady.



     I do not own my own car, but I confess that I have driven my parents cars in construction lanes, accidently cut people off, hydroplaned, shifted from drive to park while going 40 mph, backed into other cars, and other related offenses. But that doesn't mean I fit the stereotype! That means I am a homo sapien, a human being.

     Alright. So I've made it clear that I am not an adventure driving dutchess of awesomeness, buuuutttt I do make up for it with my mechanic talent. That's right. Mechanic talent! Woman driver? Ha! I think not.

 This wholesome young lady is not me. She knows cars. I know cars. But she has kissed Shia Labeouf, whereas I haven't-- hate her!

    To prove what I say is true here is a list of my automotive know-how. You may want to sit down folks. This reseme almost defies nature. Women like me... WELL. Lets just say it's not everyday that you witness such marvels.

Marie's Car Skills

•  I can read the speedometer (mph only).
•  I can accelerate and break. 
• I know how to work the blinkers (right and left). 
• Am exceptable at using stereo.
• I'll have you know tires say how pressurized they should be on them (units: psi), and it's important to check so you don't waste gas or have a blow out.
•  Warning: Do not leave your car lights on overnight because it makes the car battery sad.
• I can tell you where to find the fuel gauge.
• Seat belts should be buckled.
• Airbags are not as pillowy and cozy as they look.
• The more cylinders a car has the more boost the car has, or something.
• Pistons help make the car go.
• Headrests are adjustable.
• Windsheild wipers can wipe at different speeds (if you're listening to music you can even have them wipe to the beat of your tunes)
• Can identify cars by color type and on occasion the brand.
• Hybred cars use less gas and are purchased by lesbians mostly.
• Child lock sucks.
• Double door cars are better or else you have to shove your friends in the back like they are trash in a compactor.
• Lug nuts aren't good for your teeth.
• There are things inside cars called engines, radiators, and distribuator caps.

                                            End of Priceless Car Info List

Btw: If you need the non kissing verified you can ask Shia himself. Sometimes the truth is shocking, I know.

Readers, I would like to give a shout out to Christmas and my parents, who inspired this post. The last thing I expected to get for Christmas this year was a car, bbuuuut my parents told me, December 25, 2010, that they were going to buy me one!!!

I have decided what car I want. I want a black car.

I'm Marie and I AM a woman driver, and I'm excited to see you all on the road! Happy driving ;) hehehe...